Archive for October, 2010


The Countdown

Quote of the day:
“The future is here. It’s just not widely distributed yet.”
– William Gibson

True enough that we can’t see the future, but as the following quote indicated, our future lies just in front of us without us noticing that it’s already there. I didn’t exactly like the idea of predetermination, but nonetheless, I still have to admit that whatever happens in the present will definitely result on the future. And nothing can be done about it.

OF COURSE NOT!

Being an SPM student and all, I quickly realized that my SPM is due 24 days and I have less than a month left to push everything to the max. History’s on its way up, while biology and moral studies are simply on par. I really have to work on all these stuff. My future is extremely important as I’ve seen the way others live their lives when their SPM examinations didn’t turn out well. Case in point, your SPM is primarily your future, to all Malaysians anyway. Anywhere else, it’s their local examination equivalent to SPM, but why do I bother mentioning all these..

On other accounts, several weeks ago, I got myself a Duelist Pack: Crow with a little relay help from Ye Kai. The pack cost me RM100 or so, but nonetheless, it got me some useful cards, some not so useful, which I intend to sell off somehow. More cards will be released due a couple of months from now. And considering how the anime is running smoothly with many new cards, I guess it’s safe to say that there will be more boxes in the days to come.

It is now reaching the end of 2010, and my resolution to this year would be to ace my SPM exams. The going looks tough, but I can’t just stop. As much as I dislike the subjects, I have to take them for the sake of knowledge and not just to pass some silly examination. All the while, I was thinking this way. A few people have helped me to realize this mistake which should have been noted upon from the beginning of this year, or rather many years ago. I’m not going to fail again. Two major examinations in a row which I screwed up. I’m not going to fail again. These exams will mark my future as an individual and as a proud member of my family. I’m not going to fail again.

For these next 20 days or so, it will be nothing but solid hard work. Until then, I’ll wish for my future success.. Signing out.

Quote of the day:
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”
– Sidney J. Harris

Possibly not my best title post ever, but it was the first thing that came through my mind at that time. As for the above quote, it reflects what had happened over the past month. I’m regretting for nothing, in other words. If time could heal it, I might as well let it be. As for the second part, I definitely regret of something I had never done. After looking back though.. Seems I may have made the right choice regretting.

29th September was the day I officially turned a wee bit older, and legal for new stuff such as obtaining my driver’s license and what not. In any case, it wasn’t exactly how I planned it to be. The day before, around 11 pm or so, I obviously had my first wishes from my family, Guan You, and my girlfriend, Fion. Yes, to whoever rejects that last sentence, so be it.. Maybe I should’ve placed the other quote, and I shall.

Quote of the day #2:
“Age does not protect you from love, but to some extent, love protects you from age.”
– Jeanne Moreau

In any case, the day started out well with my trials. Okay, didn’t think that one through. It didn’t go so well with the biology papers. The additional maths paper was rather more inviting and the end result, I got 92 marks. Yeah, that made my day today better. The sadder part was that no one else remembered my birthday. I’ll say, so let it be again. That only gives me another chance to call them hypocrites or generally, whatever. My select bunch of course, never failed to please me. People like Elmer, Ken Ju, Zheng Tom, yeah, they’re the best. Chun Yip and Ye Kai though.. Well, it’s excusable since they don’t really know my birthday anyways. Bernard, yeah, real friend.

I got much more comments on Facebook, about what.. 31 of them? If I remembered right. Of course, my best guess was that they just simply saw the notifications and yeah, blabbed their way through to my page just to drop a simple, yet sounding like it meant nothing, birthday wish. I couldn’t stop them, but I didn’t like the feeling, so I responded to a couple of them only. One particular person caught my attention though. The post is as follows.

Amanda Paramore Teo: Shaun !!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy birthday. ♥ i hope we can go out for a movie again like we did on my birthday. thank you. =)
Shaun Tan: I’m sure we will sometime soon. Contact me your next birthday. Thanks. =)

Yeah.. Old friend, and old crush. Still glad to have her as a friend all this time, despite seeing her only once a year. I’m surprised she still remembered me. A couple of weeks later, she even asked to repay me for a movie on her behalf as a friend somewhere after SPM. Considering it was time to regain some lost contact, I said yes anyways.

Back to the birthday topic. I also had a couple of SMS-es from Elvis and Su Hui herself. The utterly sad part is that I used so much money just contacting Fion on my mobile line. No regrets, but then again, I took some burning from parents. Apparently, I went out of control and easily spent RM1500 on just those calls. Yeah, my feelings for her are deep I didn’t realize it. Okay, stop praising yourself.. Back to it, I called Su Hui back using my new cordless land line to simply check on her and simply attempted to regain my friend back. Obviously, that didn’t go anywhere.

I actually felt really stupid at that time. All I did was call her to check on her. She ended up complaining that she wasn’t feeling well and started using all-rough language on me. I immediately kept silent as a result of that. I always do that when I feel that something is going wrong. After that, she immediately hung up the phone. I was instantly infuriated. I went back downstairs to check with Fion. Of course she didn’t know anything at that time, so she started teasing me, I think. I instantly smiled. It’s thanks to Fion that I was kept in place that night. From that day on, I started avoiding her in school. I never wanted to approach her or have anything to do with her, ever. I could not withstand that kind of attitude. I know that it wasn’t clear enough, the details, but still, there’s just this flame inside of me that’s telling me to stay away from her for whatever reason possible.

So yes, I felt stupid. Personally saying, I never liked any part of the female race except for my family and a select few. I never did like them. Fion was one of the select few. It could be out of my experiences or anything but to me, Fion isn’t like any other girl I’ve known. As far as I know, she isn’t materialistic, thus meaning that she would never aim for anything specific in mind. Yeah, I know this is all a little too confusing, even to myself. She isn’t perfect, but for some reason.. It’s harder to say it out, but whatever it is, it is great to have that feeling. The fact is that she’s my kind of perfect. Yes, I’m glad we did whatever that was. We’ve gotten much and much closer ever since.

Case in point, Fion and I have been getting closer. We live in each others’ hearts. That’s about the gist of it. I swear one day I would eventually find her. She was always there for me when I needed her. Even if I wouldn’t tell, she’d persuade me to the end of the world, and occasionally threaten me, to get something out of me. Yes, that’s how much she cares. I know I may not be the best for her, but I would do anything I can to make her happy.

Nonetheless, life hasn’t changed much except that I really love a certain someone now. It’s not to be distracting my upcoming SPM examinations which are due 43 days. I still have to keep on track nonetheless. So yup, that’s about what I have to write in such a long time. Approximately 1100 words.. Not a bad improvement.