Archive for August, 2010

Well.. I finally did it..

Quote of the day:
“Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be.”
– Anton Chekhov

(double quote, because I feel like it)

Quote of the day #2:
“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be… It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.”
– Erica Jong

Yeah.. 29th August is a day I vow to myself not to forget. Well, I did spend more free time with Su Hui by not going to school. On a general basis, we were just walking around the area and talking away once again. But what I said that midnight, I believe that changed my life by a great degree. I actually asked those two questions, one of which was a response to her question. I asked all these questions in Mandarin considering it’s our best way of communication.

A – Would you be my girlfriend?
B – Yeah…
A – Okay lo…
B – Are you being serious…?
A – What if all I said was real…?
B – Okay lo…

It was weird and unnerving, really. Of course now I’m much better. But that was one of the most frightening things I had done ever in my life. Another partition of that talk went as such. Errors may or may not be present. My mind was extremely cluttered. But if it were true, I liked that moment, a lot.

B – You know why I was using other girls but not myself as examples?
A – Why?
B – I was just testing you…

But really, I sounded hopeless and stupid all over. Lest to say, my body was shivering all over. I couldn’t have picked a worse time. 2:30 AM in the morning wasn’t exactly cut as “a good timing”, especially the AM part and the fact that I’ve done it over the phone. As an end result, I couldn’t sleep that entire night. But yes, things compel you to change. That same day, I was offered a challenge by her to sleep and wake earlier. Guess what the non-sleep got me to do.

She did give her answer that moment, but I wasn’t really clear about that. Really, after 17 years of living, my gut first chose her as the one I would first tell. Really? After 17 long years, I don’t think I would’ve expected it. But nonetheless, I don’t think I have any regrets having made that choice. She stated that my extreme embarrassment had instantly rejuvenated her and yeah, she was equally not confident just as I was. She too had a slow stride of trying to answer my questions with great difficulty.

Nonetheless, the answer wasn’t exactly clear. We’ve told each other to try to sleep the night off, see if everything would cool down the next day. Yeah, it didn’t turn out as such.. Generally, we both had to take our breakfasts first, so yeah, we did. I had my breakfast, she had her own breakfast. When we both got back around 10 am, I had to be stuck in the toilet. But I did get an SMS requesting for me to accompany her to the supermarket, and so I did. When I got downstairs, she was already waiting for me on her bicycle, talking with my mom. I quickly took some money and went off with her.

In any case, after we left, we were on the road, obviously. She would insist on cycling behind me, for the intention of hiding her face from me. I’d understand because it was highly imperative that a person like me would generally be not allowed to view her present emotion. I dealt with it nonetheless. When we got to the bicycle-locking-area or what anyone would’ve called it, we got off. The awkward moment started again there.. We just stood there, looking at each other, giggling. I couldn’t help but notice the smile on her face as she constantly giggled nonstop. I got what I wanted from the supermarket and yeah, we left the area.

Yet once again, the moment of slow, speechless cycling took course. So we did cycle back, and generally, she was once more afraid to show her face. The reason to all this, she, or all girls I’d rather, tend to blush. Su Hui tended to blush quite a little more heavily whenever I was around. Anyway, I dropped of my stuff while she went on home first. To further clear up the confusion between us, I asked if she wanted to just sit at the park, and she agreed.

We sat next to eat other, just mentally questioning what the other was going to say. Apparently, I learned that she had something for me since Form 4. Of course, that may not be entirely true. My gut generally said something about it, but it was good to trust at that moment anyways. There really wasn’t much to talk about. We were still unnerved and nothing could be helped of it. This was the so-called norm as deemed by Fion. In any case, we sat for quite some time, only asking a question every few minutes or so.

In any case, I went back home to take a light nap as well as cool off a little. I guess the entire process repeated itself when I asked her to the park once more. Surprisingly, the giggle illness was still lying within us. Skipping all the non-important parts, we went back to our respective houses again. I called her to start something up. So yeah, regular talking started.. Up to a certain point. I told her I wasn’t sure of her answer and I have no idea where I got the guts or the brains to do this (this is so not like me).. But I asked.

A – What am I to you right now?
B – Um.. Can you repeat the question…?
A – (repeats)
B – Can I just say the short form…?
A – Ya…
B – BF lo…

Uh huh.. That and then, I confirmed my answer. And just when I thought everything had been clarified, I had to take my turn.

(after several seconds)
B – You leh?
A – Me what?
B – What am I to you now?
A – (stuck for at least 5 seconds) …my GF lo…

Yeah, it was a moment of HOPELESSNESS, and a lot of other emotions I couldn’t bear with. I was instantly refreshed after that, and it was almost 3 pm at that time. So generally, I’ve confirmed, and I believe I’m going to like it. The only worry I have right now is whether or not things will go as per normal on Wednesday. I’ll find out sooner or later but as Fion said, I’ll have to take these things one step at a time. No point rushing or I’ll just end up screwing myself up and over. So yeah.. My pulse has lowered, but I don’t think it’s my regular pulse yet.. But yes, I should and will not forget this, ever.


Some updates on life

Quote of the day:
“We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.”
– Roald Dahl

It’s been at least two months since I last placed anything here. Life is accidental when you least expect it. Of course, that accident may be good, or bad, depending on the situation. July was a relaxed month for me since school pretty much ran as per normal. That and then, I too had my second deck, a what seems to be complete Blackwing Deck. The costs.. Better not to touch upon that part. Other than that, July was pretty much empty. There wasn’t anything new except Starcraft II.

Regarding Starcraft II, yet another thing which is costly. Worth it? I guess so. The game introduced a league-&-ladder system which works wonders in attracting players. The whole idea in this system got my attention to win the games out of many others, probably a million players or so, to stay up top in the game. Typical game, really, but it was creatively devised. The game was also set such that only players with an online account could access it. I’m somewhere in the Silver league divisions so yeah.. Not good.

Up to more recent events, the August monthly test had just ended no more than a week ago. I got good-ish results, 8A and 1C, while Add. Math is still pending. I guess it’s safe to say that my results are comparable to others without looking stupid one bit. Nonetheless, the results have been better than my others. My history and moral papers actually saw some improvement. Also got a Distinction more my Australian Science paper too.

Only this afternoon, I actually got bored of using my computer. As a result, I went to visit, or more like disturb Su Hui, one of my schoolmates and neighbours. I wonder if history is repeating itself. Back during PMR, I recall being infatuated and eventually distracted for about a month. The entire process must be repeating itself. I actually spent about three and a half hours just chatting away with her. The first half was pretty much done while walking while the most of the other half was spent at my home. Like my mom said, she was good looking too, and yeah, I agree with that. This is just weird for me, but yeah, I have been getting closer lately.

Seems that she’s an actual friend I have who’s a girl and not those materialistic ones. As far as she is concerned, I met her a couple years back, but not exactly sure how. Nonetheless, I have to say it wasn’t common for me to find or make friends with anyone who’s a real girl-girl. All I can add right now is that the moment of distraction is stirring up in me again. Could this be a good thing? Or maybe not? I really did fall distracted for a few moments back then. My sleep tonight will be a little restless..

There’s this sensation inside of me just trying to get to know and spend more time with her. For all I know, something might just sprout up. Maybe there’s more in store for me next time. I’ll find out real soon enough.