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Happiness

Quote of the day:
“Happiness arises in a state of peace, not of tumult.”
– Anatole France

So my mind is going wild and I’m having breathing difficulties again. No, I’m not sick or anything, but I can’t exactly point out what’s wrong either. Everything that’s been happening lately just throws me into this state of chaos, and unless resolved appropriately, things will only get worse and worse and ultimately reach a point where I’d rather put an end to my life than to suffer from whatever this is.

I don’t know what is happiness; maybe that’s the shortest way to put it. I don’t feel useful or meaningful either, that’s another thing. I’m not good at anything in particular and I don’t feel like I have any reason to live. By writing this post, I don’t intend to somehow make myself look or sound any better, but maybe by realizing how incompetent I really am, things would work out differently.

I can never seem to make myself content, and I don’t know why. I can never seem to make myself happy and everything I’ve achieved these past 21 years of my life doesn’t even feel like a single achievement at all. What have I done that’s truly meaningful so far? I’ve tried at least become good at something but I’m not even performing well at any single task.

From writing this post, I would’ve hoped to at least throw some of my feelings out of the window but.. Clearly, this isn’t working out at all. Why am I even like this in the first place; what is wrong with me..

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Back to normality

Quote of the day:
“The least of learning is done in the classrooms.”
– Thomas Merton

When you’ve lived almost two full decades like I have and went through many phases of school and its fair share of holidays; you actually find yourself to have wasted so much time to the point that you question your level of intelligence back in the older days. Now this time around, it’s 2.17 am in the morning, and I have 10 am classes the very same day. It’s been roughly a full month since my holidays started and I only found out about having classes “tomorrow” just a day or two ago. It was a good break from classes, very much needed and of course, the mental pressure one would have to deal with if he or she were me, was avoided. For a full month, enough said.

Now things have to go back to normal. I have to start my second year in mechanical engineering; I have to begin my third semester in university. I have to go back to the standard hours I had back when I was in secondary school; as it seems, most classes are scheduled much earlier; I like that. I have to take the initiative to slim down a little more; I have to eat less. I need to stop making mistakes, stop skipping classes. I have to make my time worthwhile since I don’t exactly have any income-generating abilities. It’s exactly as said, when you’ve lived almost two entire decades, you really have to be a little more useful; or in perspective, a little less useless; whether or not it’s to society or plainly speaking, to those around you who matter the most in your life.

Maybe this post would serve to be a reminder to set priorities straight, maybe turn a little better when it comes to time management, chase even your slightest dreams or do some of the things you really wanted to do; I don’t know. A quote once said, “Flipping a coin doesn’t decide anything for you; but from that little window of time, you know exactly what result you were hoping for.” So maybe in due time, I would settle all these things. I do have aims; I do have ambitions. Albeit so, I probably lack the wisdom or experience to have those targets executed and achieved.

In recent days, in light of the To LOVEる interest, I found myself producing even more sketches than I’d originally planned for. To date, I’ve spent an approximate 12 to 13 hours in total producing four sketches. A fifth one is currently in progress at the time of the post. With each sketch came increasing production times, as well as deeper detail. I’m definitely no expert at any form of art, let alone simple pencil sketching, but I have to at least admit to myself, those were some nifty pieces. The eyes and hands could use a little help here and there but otherwise, I don’t know; I fell in love with my own pieces. Relating to that, I’ve attempted a purchase of an illustration book online. The catch; it’s only available in Singapore; or at least it’s the nearest available location anyway; and it requires a credit card to purchase. Now I have the slightest idea whether or not the transaction is going to go through, or when it’s gonna arrive in the event it does go through. For now, I can only wait. I’ve seen one or two of the pages already and I might say; that is some ridiculously fantastic art work. Talk about a mechanical-engineer-to-be who loves visual arts.

Well I don’t really have anything else to put here since my last post is already recent enough as it is. But maybe this time, I’ll put in some of the sketches I’ve actually made to remind myself; just because I’m an engineer-to-be, doesn’t mean I can’t produce some fine quality art! The very first sketch in the series is the first image seen. 2.5 hours were spent to produce that one sketch. Every subsequent sketch took a little longer and has an increasing amount of detail. The fourth one took a rough 4 to 5 hours and is arguably the most detailed sketch I’ve made so far.

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Quotes of the day:
“Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public.”
– Edgar Watson Howe
“The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.”
– Henry S. Haskins
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
– Mae West

I suppose when you pick up new interests, you more or less have the tendency to enjoy it and forget to write about it. That being said, it’s been a good three months since I’ve written anything here. There’s the usual mix of tension, lethargy, exam preparation, depression and way more negativity to go along with it, but after a quarter of a year, it’s time to write once more. Also, three quotes because they seem to relate to the current chain of events; and because I feel like it. Without further ado!

At the time of this post, it’s probably four weeks into my second semester break, that of which ends somewhere around the end of August. Up until two weeks ago, life has been rather bland. Of course, I was looking to the holidays because it meant no ridiculous waking hours, no practical sessions, no head jamming or whatever. Still, up until then, I had nothing much to do. There was the usual dose of Dota 2, my usual weekend drama, and maybe time to pursue some other interests; in which up to now, I’ve yet to do anything about them.. Well, I still have two weeks, time to make the most of it.

In the recent days, I managed to stumble across a manga and anime series entitled To LOVEる (To Love Ru). The title is actually a wordplay on the word “love”, read in Japanese as “rabu”. Technically speaking, the title is supposed to be read as “to-rabu-ru” or in English, “trouble”. This pretty much implies a story revolving around love troubles. Originally launched as a manga, the series consisting of 162 chapters spread over 18 volumes started in 2006 and ended its final volume in 2009. Its anime counterpart consisting of 26 twenty-minute episodes aired throughout 2008. These episodes mostly covered the first half of the original manga series while a sequel titled もっとTo LOVEる (Motto To Love Ru, lit. “More Trouble”) consisting of another 12 episodes, covering the latter half of the manga, followed in late 2010. These episodes are divided into 3 sub-chapters each, presumably to cover a greater amount of content. After its original run, a continuation titled To LOVEる・ダークネス (To Love Ru Darkness) began serialization in March 2011 and is still ongoing at 34 chapters. The first 25 have been compiled into 6 volumes. Meanwhile, the anime counterpart started airing in October 2012 and ended at the end of December. The anime spanned 12 episodes and went back to the traditional format of having one primary chapter, each 24 minutes long. The 12th and final episode seems to be around the 19th chapter of the manga series. That being said, there could be another anime extension in the future.

The basic idea of this series revolves around a boy named Yuuki Rito who’s been unable to confess his love to his friend from middle school, Sairenji Haruna. One fine day, he attempts once again, only to be interrupted once again. The same night that day, a girl suddenly appears naked in his bathtub. This girl is known to be Lala Satalin Deviluke, first princess of the Devilukean throne, daughter of Gid Lucion Deviluke, who also happens to be the greatest force to be reckoned with in the galaxy. It turned out that she was running away from home because she didn’t want to be forcibly married. After Rito helps her escape from a predicament, Lala decides that she wants to marry Rito, at least in her mind anyway. The next day, after things cooled down, Rito musters his courage to confess to Haruna. He does successfully, to Lala, and not Haruna, by mistake. With that, an engagement was confirmed by Lala, and Rito’s troubles continue day after day. This serves as the plot for the first chapter of the manga as well as the first episode of the anime.

I’m not even sure how I came across this series in the first place, but I’m in love with everything it has to offer, everything from the manga to the anime. I started with the anime first and only discovered the fact that it started out as a manga a while later. If anything, I’m particularly impressed by how they seamlessly converted the manga into an animation; to the point that I get confused. I watched the anime and read the manga almost parallel to each other so I had the tendency to be confused as to which I’ve seen first; the same applies to the continuation series To LOVEる・ダークネス. Within a week or so, I managed to watch the entire first season in 3 days, the extended first season in another 3 days, and the continuation in 4 days. Parallel to those times, I finished all 162 chapters of the manga, each 20 pages or so, within a good 5 to 6 days. I’m now currently running through the To LOVEる・ダークネス manga at chapter 19/34.

Now as to why I actually bothered to write all that; well it’s been long since I touched any book or TV series. Despite not containing very family-friendly material, it’s actually good to understand the story. That being said, I’m also a sucker for love and romance stories. Aside from that, the recurring comedy elements are also great, but more focus should still be paid to the romance. Characters have also been greatly developed; it’s probably best to read it for oneself to understand the beauty in the series. Times like these, I really appreciate the fact that I spent two non-consecutive years picking up the Japanese language, even if it was on and off. Nothing feels better than to watch the show without subtitles and having a good 30% comprehension while you’re at it. There’s not really much else to say here unless they’re comments, and I’m not good with comments to begin with anyway so I guess that’s it; a bit of promotion this time around.

And now some extra information and statistics:
Manga
To LOVEる – 162/162 chapters complete (series ended)
To LOVEる・ダークネス – 19/34 chapters complete (series ongoing)
Anime
To LOVEる – 26/26 episodes complete
もっとTo LOVEる – 12/12 episodes complete
To LOVEる・ダークネス – 12/12 episodes complete

Characters
Yuuki Rito – Main character of the series; loves Sairenji Haruna; engaged to Lala Satalin Deviluke
Yuuki Mikan – Younger sister to Yuuki Rito
Lala Satalin Deviluke – First princess of Deviluke; main female protagonist of the series; genius inventor
Nana Astar Deviluke – Second princess of Deviluke; can communicate with animals; twin sister of Momo
Momo Belia Deviluke – Third princess of Deviluke; can communicate with plants; twin sister of Nana
Sairenji Haruna – Secondary female protagonist; loves Yuuki Rito; schoolmates with Rito since middle school

There’s really too many characters and details to list out for this little space I have here.. It’s still better to watch or read the series itself to get the most out of it. Ah, there’s so much more I want to write; but then this’ll have to do for now.

Faux pas

Quotes of the day:
“A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions–as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
“This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.”
– James Reston

Faux pas – An embarrassing or tactless act or remark in a social situation.

I don’t normally have two quotes in a single day, or even better, I don’t normally write two posts so small in their time intervals, but there is really a need for this upcoming post, and with due time, maybe the quotes will kick in and express in full what in the world is happening to me lately. As of right now, there is some degree of sorrow, anger, regret, and a bunch of other emotions. My thoughts and emotions are so “flexible” to the point that there are two possible ways to react to it, in which I will code red or blue. This post won’t be very positive by the time I’m done with it, so let’s begin.

Before I jump into some kind of senseless ranting, let’s have ourselves an overview. Back in my last post, I covered how it was a supposedly fine Thursday when in fact, I’m proven wrong to the entirety of my very self. I don’t even know where to start here. Should I begin with talks of the test or what become of the time after the test? Well it doesn’t matter because I’m screwed either way. A little detail I didn’t add to the test was how we were supposed to assess ourselves while doing that test. There would be a space next to each question where students would fill in what they think they would’ve scored. After the test, I find that I assessed a solid 95 for myself, but apparently it wasn’t what I thought that switched everything on. As per my usual acts, I’d ask others what they assessed for themselves and it seems they were reluctant to say anything about it. Is that supposed to be a sign? I’ll mention everything below.

Later that night, plans to go to Bangsar (eventually called off due to unforeseen circumstances) took place, and we have my previous post in place. I also expressed my thoughts on the situation, including mentioning how people didn’t spend too much time with their families and how I found hangouts to be particularly unproductive. But in all reality, that was the least of my problems. It’s the impression I’ve left on others that’s screwing me today. As if it wasn’t just the earlier problem alone, now I have two things haunting me, and those are the ones directly made known to me. Are there other problems in the dark that are behind kept behind my back? I don’t know, and I don’t think I want to know either. Now onto further explanations and how I could possibly react in the future.

Two of the aforementioned friends have explained their situations and worse yet their impressions after reading what I thought was supposed to be private to one person. So according to them, I’m quite the arrogant and condescending person, but that’s just one side of the story, there’s more to come. So make it simple, I could treat everything as if it’s my personal problem (blue) or stand my own ground and stand for what I believe is right (red). It’s quite clear the latter won’t offer me any support of any kind, but some things really have to be done your way or the highway.

BLUE
– I should not have pestered people for their assessments. People can be sensitive about the given topic and I should avoid that in the far future.
– I should not have gave such a detailed explanation as it seems some people get horribly disturbed by “crazy long winded roads”.
– Your friends are in your defense, they only want to bridge the gap that you have with them.
– I should not leave the impression of having to be with them being a burden and other similar situations.

All-in-all, these sorts of solutions force me to restrict myself, which may be a good or bad thing depending on how one views the entirety of the situation. Doing as such makes you abide by the social norms, grants you connections, and in general, leaves better impressions on other people. However, it’s the very same action you need to take that forces the red thoughts.

RED
– Is it at all my fault that the group is not at all open about results? I personally did very badly in my previous semester so I wanted to make up for it. I can be overly enthusiastic at times, but why should this come off as arrogant? There’s no reason for them to think in that sense whatsoever.
– So I find that hangouts are particularly pointless. I even gave reasons to support my statement regardless of how rational it was. My sentences were never meant to be condescending; it could however have been a nature of mine to speak very openly and giving extreme negative feedback at times but I speak the truth and I don’t lie about it.
– Changing my actions and forcing myself to meet demands is something I don’t want to follow. It changes who I am and undoubtedly, I am who I am. I’m not going to succumb to social norms and as per the title, what people deem to be my faux passes isn’t necessarily true at all. I really can’t care less if what I do objects the social norm. For so long as the situation goes neutral I will act as I see fit.
– I don’t have to actively try and bridge gaps by following such norms. There’s more than a hundred ways to make closer connections with people other than just meeting up. All-in-all the whole situation should be completely void as the only reason this came up is the result of dissatisfaction of a certain handful of people.
– It is not my fault that the issue is sensitive and I don’t know it. You’re going to have to tell me actively that it’s sensitive; don’t expect me to just know it out of thin air; I’m not born a genius.
– One slightly unrelated issue is how I only exposed my thoughts to a single person. Little did I know my little “speech” was being broadcasted to three other people. If this is going to keep up, what other things I don’t already know are being discussed? Are they going to keep talking behind my back? It’s things like these that make me want to stray away from social groups and yet people wonder why I stay off from them.
– Sometimes I intentionally walk off because I know I’m going to say or do something stupid. So pardon me if you want me to stay around and unintentionally not be cautious about the things I say or do.

So what’s the verdict here? It’s all ego versus friendship (i.e. red vs blue) here. It’s just a matter of whether or not I stay away or actively try to earn their impressions back. Honestly, I’m just overthinking the matter, but I felt this was necessary before I turned insane. Sheer reality tells you that it’s really the survival of the fittest. If you don’t want to die out there, you have to find a way to survive. I also have an inferiority complex; that is to say I have to be superior most of the time. I don’t care exactly how this pans out but it has been a personality since birth. Like it or not, I am who I am. I may be condescending at times whether I realize it or not, but I speak only the truth. I honestly didn’t think I was being offensive, but it’s unfortunate how others think otherwise. It’s up to the people to decide what they think of me, but hey, I have a life to carry on with. Such little things don’t play a high priority in my list of tasks.

What now? The future yields all sorts of mysteries. Sooner or later, I will find the right red or blue solution to counter all of this. But for now, it’s pretty much the best action to just shut up for a bit and see how things flow. If they are gonna keep up, I cannot do anything. If their intentions are solid, I may as well actively try and do something. I’m still offended by how one private message was broadcasted to three other people but that’s really the least of problems right now.

Quote of the day:
“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
– Ernest Hemingway

So it’s one fine Thursday (it’s Friday morning at the time of this post) and I came back a little later than usual with an aching head as well as an aching body. I’d recently signed up for gym facilities over the past few weeks or so, all in attempt to well, shrink down a little. No effects as of late, but I’m guessing it takes time to settle in. After my 2-hour 2 pm session, we were supposed to have some kind of maths test which, fortunately, ended in pretty good terms despite a slight lack of preparation. Now what I’m about to write concerns what comes after that.

The test closed in around 8.15 pm that evening. My usual cluster of friends had planned to stick around and have dinner on the spot; I had my fair share of food and by “tradition”, I was the first to leave. Another reason for that, I had an 8 am class earlier that day, so I was pretty beat up. If it weren’t for this post, I would already be asleep by now. Amidst my journey home, it seems they’ve planned on a hangout session tomorrow (or today in real time) afternoon. Two issues persist; one was the fact that I had classes that very afternoon and two was the fact that I’m not one to hangout often, for whatever reason. Now I’m going to tap into this a little bit further.

This isn’t the first time I rejected such invitations, but this is what I think about it. So it’s your group of people who personally asked you out to just have fun. You on the other hand, are more homey than the rest of them and would prefer to spend your time accordingly (or even at home) instead of just sitting around somewhere, unplanned, and also, at a place you’ve rarely or never even been to. But don’t forget, they’ve only called you in because they acknowledge you. Why else would they call you in and even persuade you if you’re not one of them? This here is another thing to consider. I used to cover a very similar topic in one of my previous posts. I’ve stated, quote directly, “I’m not one to spend time outside much as well unless it’s beneficial. I really just don’t see the point of going to some place just to talk or as people normally say hang out.” People from everywhere always counter with this; “You’re young, you should socialize, spend time with your friends, explore the world, just get out of the house for a bit.” The whole thing really leaves you thinking for a bit; but this is sort of the mindset I have right now (refer below).

I’m 20 this year. I am the oldest out of three sons. I’m studying in university while my parents are busy. My dad needs someone to inherit his business in due time; time and over again he also emphasizes the importance of family links, for it is only family that you trust the most and nobody else. My mom doesn’t work, but she does get lonely (I presume) at home. With the university hours that I have now, my times are starting to coincide less with my family; meaning that I’m not around as often to even see my family members. Even if I do, they would be busy with their own things and connections would eventually be lost, or as I fear. I’m 20 and I’ve yet to have any sort of working or living experience. I may not be the only one living like this, but I’m positively sure I don’t want to live this way. As the oldest son, I should be leading some kind of example and in general, “not be useless”.

It is quite clear from previous experiences that I’m not a very sociable person, and this is self-admitted. I personally find it difficult to obtain common topics with people, and even if odds are in my favor, the topic won’t last very long; that’s the general idea of how my previous “hangouts” were like. In the end, one could blame my need for productivity as well. I truly don’t see the point of just sitting around to have a chat. This may be a very stark comparison, but people are out there earning a living and doing important things, yet meanwhile people insist that I sit around and just have fun. There are two problems with this, first thing, I don’t find it very fun to hang out. Sure it may be spending some quality time with friends and all, but without a time frame, things could just drift away and before you know it, you threw a day away. Secondly, again the emphasis on conversational problems. It could be rectified with time, that’s always a solution, but other than that, it’s discomforting. As a friend said, I should probably give it a try; 10% of everything here are assumptions as it is.

These recent days, my only objective is to make full use of any free time I have. This free time is usually derived from empty hours in between uni’s starting and finishing hours. Anything before and after that is usually slated for home. That being said, the only useful time I have left would be the 4-hour and 6-hour breaks I have on Monday and Tuesday. Anything after classes on Tuesday is a dead no simply because it’s reserved for my weekly family dinners. Weekends are also dead slated for pure rest and relaxation. I’d almost automatically decline any invitation should it fall on weekends; I also have my weekly drama airings to catch.

In the end, I’m still not sure of the point I’m trying to make. I want to make use of time, yet I deem most of my time at home useful, regardless of what I do. I can’t stay out unless there’s a plan at hand or possibly there’s some food involved. I still don’t like the idea of hanging out for the sake of talking. I guess even after all this time, my thoughts still aren’t properly sorted out yet. But maybe, one way or another, this post has provided some kind of insight on how I think. For all I know, it may be a very important reference in the far future. Well I guess that’s that; I’ve nothing else to comment on here.

Quote of the day:
“A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.”
– Jane Austen

Yes, so as the title suggests, it’s 3 am in the morning and I’m playing 사랑이에요 on my iPhone/iPod dock (explanation coming soon), but there isn’t a rule in the world that says I can’t publish something at this time, so here goes. I’d probably remember this night considering how painful my back is. I’m not even sure why it’s aching in the first place.

Records show I seem to have two drafts left unpublished. One of which I don’t remember what I intended to write and the other, a recollection of the year 2012 as the new year drew closer. Obviously at this point, I’m about 3 months late considering it’s already the month of April but I’ll probably get that done sometime this week. In any case, there have been a lot of things I’ve done in the past year that I haven’t updated in this blog at it is. Despite having class at 10 am later, despite reducing my hours of sleep, I guess I’ll take the risk of writing. I mean after all, this may be nothing now, but it’s worth more than gold in the many years to come.

So classes have recently started all over again for what looks to be the second semester of uni life. That would mean mad timetables for the next few months and again I must stress, they’re only mad because they have early starting hours and late finishing hours. If the timetable is already permanent, I’d be having 8-hour breaks every Tuesday; simply “delightful”. Another thing to haunt me would be the repeat of the Circuits and Signals subject, simply because I failed it the previous semester. I’d write a story about things like this but really, what’s there to explain about a failure.. Anyway, moving on. This semester also contains 5 subjects with CS replacing the elective everyone else is taking, Academic English. My holidays are expected to be around late July except this time, instead of 3 months, I only get a month off, which is, fair to say, a decently long time already.

Now more for the actual logging. In every man’s world, it is simply integral that he has a hobby, for that is what makes him whole, and for me, that would be, as listed before, being a car enthusiast. Now I’m not exactly early, neither an expert nor having proper basics, but I did start a habit of grabbing Top Gear magazines since the beginning of the year. That being said, it’s April and I’ve not missed an issue yet. Back during my free time within those 3 months I even bothered to look like some basic concepts like how ignition, cooling and transmission systems in cars work. To further be an enthusiast, I finally touched my PS3 (like for the first time in 4 months?) last Friday, playing NFS: Most Wanted. I find it a bit surprising that I didn’t write anything about considering the game is already almost half a year old (and I had my copy on the day it was released). Anyway, there were updates along the way and I suppose I spent about RM110 on it. Part of them were 40%-off bundles so clearly I had to take them. Well that’s one of the things I wanted to catch up on, moving on to the next.

In light of my recent transition to the Korean side of the world, I find that Korea in general has heck a lot to offer, in terms of well, anything. I’ll begin with Running Man. Details can be found anywhere considering its great popularity but the simple idea is; it’s one of better weekly variety game shows just yet. The fact that it’s mostly outdoors also means that you won’t get bored easily, especially with the variety of games and situations available. Initially I didn’t watch much, only jumping between episodes I thought were nice, but I took the initiative to watch everything from the first episode that aired back in 2010. Currently I’m at episode 98 and the latest, if not mistaken, is 137 or 138. Now I’m not sure how to express this, but sometimes Running Man isn’t just all games, which brings me to Korea’s next great thing, lots of female celebrities. Really, Korea boasts some of the prettiest faces out there. And I’m not really one to favor western faces anyway; I am Asian by blood as it is. So there’s one secret out, why I watch Running Man. And also another link, one of Running Man’s prominent cast members, Kim Jong Kook. I’m not normally one to listen to male artists often, or even at all, but he has some of the greater songs I’ve heard so far, and to note, they’re not exactly new songs.

Running Man happens to also be the reason I know IU; this was explained a few posts back. Not going to say much about her because she’s already that awesome anyway, but she does have a running drama, which I’m also happy to announce, that’s airing locally on Astro and in HD. The best part, I don’t even have to catch the times or wait for proper subtitles; the show comes with them and I have PVR services. Now that’s one time constraint problem solved. In any case, details and possibly synopsis to come in future posts. Among other related things, I now have two calendars displayed in my room, one of which features IU and the other a Top Gear calendar which I got from the first issue of the magazine.

In the recent days, I’ve also found time to watch Wreck-It Ralph on my BD system and of course in HD. I mean come on, what don’t I watch in HD nowadays? I’m not going to write any plot or whatever since there are many other websites to explain all that, but my expression goes into the artwork and the evolutions of CGI animations. I know I signed up for that engineer path since 2011, but there will always be a side of me that just wants to draw, draw and draw. I’m nowhere near a novice at such art but I’ve been meaning to find time to just spend hours on a good Google image to just draw Vanellope’s character. I’ve also been meaning to make image sketches of the Mercedes-Benz SLK class and Maple Story’s Mercedes character but there just isn’t time to properly focus everything in. I promised myself one of these days I’d do that and looking at the free hours I have in uni, that may all just be possible.

So I guess that’s that. This is probably the first time I’ve actually spent a whole hour burning the midnight oil to write a post and publish it on the same day. Times to come when I look back at this post, I’m probably gonna think to myself, why I decided write a post which doesn’t seem very purposeful.. Well in any case, that’s all for today, or tonight.

Also, about the iPhone/iPod dock, my dad actually got that from Pavilion over a year and a half ago. He intended to leave it in his office but he didn’t really find a use for it so I took it home. Now it sits in my room, playing music from my iPhone(s) or anything that has an audio jack. It also serves as my senselessly loud alarm.

Quote of the day:
“‘Wrong’ is one of those concepts that depends on witnesses.”
– Scott Adams

Sometimes it can be a great problem to belong to a culture so rich in its family values; but that will come later. This should serve as a reminder as to why I’m writing this in the first place.

As suggested by the quote, a pessimist sees only the dark side of clouds, but let’s face it, darkness isn’t always a bad thing; it all comes down to what one would interpret from it. A philosopher on the other hand thinks otherwise; he sees both, and true to my name, I have to be as wise as said. Wisdom isn’t enough; one needs to be optimistic to make the most out of every possible situation. So Chinese New Year took place on the 10th of February this year around. As with every year, the traditional act of traveling back to my grandparents’ home was inevitable. The midnight of the New Year itself; I received my first pair of red packets; and yes it’s a little strange to write it in Chinese or it’s pinyin form here; from my parents. The very next morning, on the same day, we took off and headed for Bukit Gelugor, Negeri Sembilan and became the third or fourth family to arrive, I suppose.

As of this time, it is the morning of the 4th day of the new year, and I would be leaving for home later that afternoon. The night before, I had been out visiting what I would call my extended family, meeting uncles and second cousins I’ve never seen my entire life; and collecting more red packets while I’m at it. So I guess that would be the last highlight of this Chinese new year. This post is only possible because of a last minute wi-fi borrowing on the afternoon of the 3rd day; otherwise I’d be writing this post a few days or weeks after. After coming here for the 20th year of my life, things feel a little different. Everyone’s older by a year, my uncles and aunts have all aged quite a bit, and every single one of my cousins have grown quite much; given how I’m the second oldest grandchild anyway. So looking at the clock, I find that it’s 2:19 am in the morning; yet I feel a little out of state, because of what I’m about to write next.

As a guy like myself, and probably all guys would be like this, it is perfectly normal to have a crush on someone; and maybe the occasional idea of dreaming of your future, especially when one doesn’t have a girlfriend after 20 years of life, like yours truly. But things get thrown out of whack once you’ve gone too long without having someone around you. And this is where the crazy part starts. As previously mentioned, at the time of writing this paragraph, it is the morning, or rather midnight, of the 4th day of the new year. That being said, I’ve spent about a solid three days here with just about any first relative I would have here. I’ll cut to the chase; either I’m going crazy as I did back in December, or I’m having a crush on my cousin.

As of this paragraph.. I’m rather stuck on words. This is supposed to be a personal blog, yet I find it extremely troublesome to get some sentences going. If anyone would know about this, they would flip out. I’m already flipping out just thinking about any possible consequences. It is now 3:27 am in the morning; and I was talking to Ken Ju over what little wireless reception I have. He managed to throw a lot of sense into me, and having an idea of what people would think, I eventually went back to normal. Sure it may be a short ordeal, but the effects of it are rather confusing. It is now a month after said incident. Things have turned back to the way they were. At the most, we exchanged contacts and kept in touch with each other every now and then. Anyone could easily conclude that it is best that nothing be done about it. Without a doubt, she’s family first, so I’ll let it stick at that. And that would be how different my CNY is this year around.